Against Love?

Against Love A Polemic by Laura Kipnis is a funny, true, and kind of depressing book I just read. Its one of those books that after you've read it, changes your philosophy on life forever, whether you wanted to change it or not.

I found this book randomly at my local library while searching for anything to read. You see, while I've always been an avid reader, this summer has turned me into a book-junkie. I need to be reading something at every moment or I panic that boredom or ignorance will set it.

Kipnis pretty much broke down any idealized notions I had left of romantic relationships ( and I had managed to hold on to a few). She uses many different schools of thought to discuss love; my favorite being a pseudo-Marxist one in which she describes how in our capitalistic culture, even our closest relationships are ruled by the work ethic. If your relationship is doing well, you aren't working hard enough! But how can you work towards something that's supposed to be fluid, authentic, and just lived, not worked at?

She also suggests that marriage (or long-term, committed monogamous relationships) is unrealistic, unfulfilling and ultimately a bankrupt venture. Well, she's not the first person to think or say so, but the way she says it is compelling in is deep cynicism and clarity. She goes on to say that those that cheat on spouses are actually subversives because they are railing against a system that is oppressive and doesn't work. I had never heard that before, and although I don't completely agree, again, the humor and passion that she brings to her arguments make them more novel and interesting.

This book's value is that it questions institutions and relations that we all take for granted. In this day and age, everything is questioned except for the model of coupledom. Its hard to look through sentimentality to face serious questions like how can we design our lives and homes in ways that are at once realistic and based in respect for everyone invloved?